HUGE SIDEWALK SALE!

The most action packed sidewalk you'll ever traverse!

NO EXCLUSIONS!

Gee, what could be more fun than "jcpca$h"?
Oh yeah, actual cash. This reeks of gimmick.

10 FRAMES TO SPARE!

Oh I get it... a play on words. Spare. Heh.
Note the bemused husband: "What a lovely wholesome family we are."

Envy ME at N.V.!

Yes, cause that's why we make consumer decisions, simply
to satisfy an irrational wanting for what others have. For shame.

A free bottle of White Buffalo Bliss!

Are they allowed to send magic water through parcel post?
Do I apply magic water directly to the white void in my chest?

Hellow!

An unsolicited flirty message from an illiterate, "easy" stalker?
Why yes, I am alone. Come on over mystery lady!

PLAY NOW!

Yeah, fantasy football makes me feel betrayed or nauseous as well.

Paintball Park's in the USA!

Really? Of all the colors of paintball spooge, you picked white?
Also, nice apostrophe. Yeah, stick with the paintball biz.

No more tiny batteries to replace!

Stop yelling, they can't hear you.

BRIDES!

Mermaid brides starting at only $99! Did she stab him in the back?

DIVORCE!

What an uplifting ad. How creative to use his chrome dome for an O.