The Motherload - Catalog Ads

On second thought.. pile up ALL the savings into one giant heap.

The proportions of the people in this ad are, well, ridiculous.
Also, mammy's packing a bigger bulge than pops over there.

Because "Luster Cream" is just so pedestrian.

Spots!? I should just end it all right now! (sob)

Look as glamorous as this cartoon representation of a
Hollywood starlet. I'd go with the color "blue red".

Just for you, (random nameless person)!

Remove that unwanted butter sweat from your sweet chapeau!

It's technically not an exclamation point, though she does look
Like she's about to enjoy some excitement with it "downstairs".

You're halfway to becoming the Penguin from "Batman".

Eliminate gophers, moles... and batteries!

I'm not sure I understand the price "$17.99 FREE".

Give your lover the... Purple Passion Pillow!

Usually I have something witty to say, but words escape me now.
Ok.. let's mention the free shipping! And alliteration!

Say "so long" to mystery meat!

If you apply 1000 watts to mystery meat,
it might not be a mystery, or meat, anymore...

It's as easy as putting on a hat!

Turn into Dustin Hoffman in one simple, miscalculated step!

SEE EXACTLY where you're backing up!

Really? That's what you see when you're backing up?

Today's technology at 1970's pricing!

First of all, no one is paying $100 for this thing. Secondly,
electronics were often much more expensive in the past. Fail.

Carry more than concealed heat - you'll carry a badge too!

You are a redneck with severe self esteem problems if you buy this.

Show your colors!

Parts of the gay community also enjoy "colors" and leather vests.
However, "Live to Ride" means something completely different there.

Salads and more at lightening speed!

"Lightening" is the process of adding light to a composition. Fail.

Somebody was thinking on the job!

Can you hang the kids on the wall with your fold-up wagon?

No pain, your gain!

A cushion for each butt cheek.
Great for gassy bike enthusiasts, easy flow!

Cut through a car in just 3 minutes!

But I only have two minutes to cut through this car!

They won't be snickering any more!

Nothing screams "street cred" like catalog direct closeout stereos.

Fleece pants for less than original dealer cost!

I've never gone to a "dealer" for pants before.
Doesn't it totally look like he's sporting an adult diaper in there?

Designed for hard-to-train stubborn dogs!

That is sooooo not a real dog!
They totally put a collar on a stuffed animal for this shot.

Use them and throw them away!

As featured on the hit TV show "Hoarders".
Actually, my estimates say I'll need 62 brushes in my lifetime...

Bottoms for superior performance!

Some of the more innocent minds out there reading this
might not notice how much the tagline looks like a gay sex ad.

Sucks them into a chamber of doom!

Yeah, get 'em! If only I could pick them off with my shotgun...

Answering Mother Nature's call!

At the soccer game: "Nice goal Billy! Oh excuse me for a minute.
I'm just gonna zip up and drop a deuce in here. Be right back."