New Years Resolution, Anyone?

Once you're done with the manual labor involved in building it,
You'll have the body you're dreaming of!

You! Yes you, (unnamed recipient).
I've decided to make you a very important person!

Wellness always = frolicking in a meadow. Always.

Wellness + fitness = frolicking right into the stratosphere!

...Or continue to look like crap for free!

I fell on fitness and blew out a hip..

Premium classes abound! Cheap, discount classes not applicable.

Half price on the old you (if you want it).

Lose weight everywhere (except your head).

Yes, this is my smile. Yes, I'm super happy. Oh yes.

The Super After Christmas Post!

If you wait until Jan 1,
You can Shop THEN for Worst Selection!

In theory, if each item cost $1, you could save thousands of dollars.
Oh what a savvy shopper you are! Yes, saving is what you're doing...

You know it's after Christmas when
The snowman has melted into a puddle of urine.

Can't believe Santa forgot my
"Thank you thank you thank you HOTEL" t-shirt.

It looks as though this lovely consumer might have arrived to the store
After 1PM, as it is quite dark out. Oh well, always next year.

50% off all Holiday Product!
Shop early on hundred of style and design at big discount.

WTF is that supposed to be? Santa left it,
Someone ate part of it, and now it's melting on a cactus...

The dead tree seals the deal for me. I'm in.

So technically there's no exclamation points here.
Honorable mention needs to the friendly monster pimpin' as Santa.

I didn't realize 30% off meant you would
Decapitate a penguin so there's 30% less of him.

I'm clearly happy about the sale, but can't shake the feeling
Santa's reindeer are still flying overhead, ready to probe my thoughts.

Here's a Massive 50% Off!

I made a new year's resolution about avoiding indulgences.
Can I please have just a small 50% off instead?

Premium Xmas!

Awkwardly enough, I believe this means items cost 30% more.

3 days only!

Using a coupon code is greater than shop now. It's math, you know.