Wholey Moley!

Yay for strange homophone puns. So many bursts in your face!

The Best Things in Life are FREE!!

Call today to extend your lifespan by 3 minutes, FREE!!

One Call, That's All!

Here's your settlement check, a golden ticket from Willy Wonka.
I love it when my lawyer advertises like Dr. Seuss.

WIN THE WAR WITH OXIDATE!

Isn't that the same critter from the athlete's foot commercials?
Clearly marketed to men. Women are not "at war" with gardening.

It's a SALE!

Putting a mohawk on a purse dog does not qualify as a boutique.
It's like saying something freeze dried in a can is gourmet.

TASTE THE GOODNESS!

"Drop 'n' Save" does not sound like a game I want to play.
You're going to taste the goodness and like it, dammit!

SORRY!

What an artistic way to break the bad news.

Save up to 70% FREE Catalog!!!

70% off of a free catalog is still a free catalog. Math fail.
Also, what are "vitamis"? Spelling Fail.

25% OFF selected product!

Are you using the word "product" as a collective noun?
Or is there really only one product selected for 25% off?

$39 Booties... PLUS Free Shipping!!

Someone put the Photoshop eraser tool to that babe's legs so badly,
Any normal human being simply could not walk on those toothpicks.

Summer Is Better Together!

"BOGO" is the most overused kitschy gimmick word ever.
In other news, that tidal wave is going to kill us all!

CAN'T BITE!

Ooh, free booklet on pipe care.
Does that booklet also teach you those sweet moves on the ladies?

10 FRAMES TO SPARE!

Oh I get it... a play on words. Spare. Heh.
Note the bemused husband: "What a lovely wholesome family we are."

Today's technology at 1970's pricing!

First of all, no one is paying $100 for this thing. Secondly,
electronics were often much more expensive in the past. Fail.

ENTER TO WIN!

Way to Photoshop part of her inner thigh away.
Also, what the hell is "Diane's Swim Cleaner"?

BOOK NOW!

Well, this has everything to do with booking a flight.
I often have daydreams of Lakitu from Super Mario Bros as well.

We Can Help You!

Don't turn into a grieving gypsy with a bowl cut, call today!
Al$o, $pelling word$ like thi$ alway$ look$ legitimate...

Carry more than concealed heat - you'll carry a badge too!

You are a redneck with severe self esteem problems if you buy this.

END OF SUMMER SALE!

Awesome! Glad I don't have to spend full price to look this stupid.

If you're 12 or under, you're in!

All right kids, look tough, let people know reading is badass.

WIN A TWO NIGHT STAY!

A weekend getaway at a magical floating cabin... sign me up!

Now Eat This!

I get it. A play on words of "Now Hear This". Clever.
If that stack of cookies is <350 calories, it's made out of dirt.

Grape!

The price is a matter of fact.
But the flavors are all about shouting in your face.

10% CLICK HERE! 10%

Well, this looks completely legitimate. Cheers to you for
thinking you'll need six digits to serialize these coupons.

Click to Win!

"I keep slapping my face in disbelief, now I'm stuck this way!"

Win a Trip to Click Here Disneyland!

Mickey always makes bitches ride in the back.
Also, that's a creepy Santa.

We've missed you!

Ok, anything that's "free!*" isn't free. Asterisks aren't free.
Offer ends soon, though, as the cones are sinking in the void.

REVOLVE IS ON FACEBOOK!

To someone not in the know, what could all this possibly mean?
Also, OOC means "out of control". Yeah, I didn't know that either.

Show your colors!

Parts of the gay community also enjoy "colors" and leather vests.
However, "Live to Ride" means something completely different there.

BUY ONE GET ONE FREE!

$10 seems too much to pay for fake roadkill plushies.
Also, I'm revoking your alliteration license due to abuse.

Cleans Anything!

Anything, huh? My cat just vomited kibble and evacuated
his bowels in the shag carpet. Better get my Quick Cloth!

Fashion lingerie for 3 days only!

After three days, the lingerie is no longer fashionable.
Also, does anyone else see snake eyes in that brassiere?

Salads and more at lightening speed!

"Lightening" is the process of adding light to a composition. Fail.

Come in TODAY for some liquid sunshine!

"Liquid sunshine" sounds like a designer street drug.