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| Honestly, whatever is in these boxes doesn't even look like food. I'm actually scared of these fries. |
31 July 2011
FRIES WITH ATTITUDE!
30 July 2011
An exclusive offer for our MaxPerks members!
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| MaxPerks? That took some marketing bink five seconds to think up. Gone are the days when being a "member" actually meant something. |
29 July 2011
Envy ME at N.V.!
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| Yes, cause that's why we make consumer decisions, simply to satisfy an irrational wanting for what others have. For shame. |
28 July 2011
40% off ANY Horseshoe purchase!
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| "Way to go, [YourNameHere]!" This mascot is a blend of Yosemite Sam and Mr. Peanut. |
It isn't really your birthday, it's OURS!
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| "We lied to you Michael, aren't we clever?" "To add salt to the wound, we got this sheep to ruin your cake." |
27 July 2011
26 July 2011
25 July 2011
You just won a FREE Cane's Sauce!
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| Hooray, another user submission! I guess it would be outside the box for them to give you something to dip into this. |
$10DAY!
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| Suddenly, those days when you feel like a million bucks seem so impossibly out of the question. |
24 July 2011
Stock Up And Make Mom Proud!
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| Yeah, because mom would love it if you bought underwear for yourself on Mother's Day. |
23 July 2011
A studio session with a professional producer!
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| Oh to be the envy of all my friends. I could tell them "I won a Baconator Contest". The babes would be all over me! |
22 July 2011
They won't be snickering any more!
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| Nothing screams "street cred" like catalog direct closeout stereos. |
FILL YOUR PANTRY FOR LESS!
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| So many brand logos in my face at once... I feel like such a consumer whore! |
21 July 2011
20 July 2011
Fleece pants for less than original dealer cost!
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| I've never gone to a "dealer" for pants before. Doesn't it totally look like he's sporting an adult diaper in there? |
19 July 2011
Designed for hard-to-train stubborn dogs!
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| That is sooooo not a real dog! They totally put a collar on a stuffed animal for this shot. |
When two at last shove off together!
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| Yes, most husbands take great interest in choosing housewares. What a great way to advertise Pyrex's patented heat resistance. |
18 July 2011
Use them and throw them away!
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| As featured on the hit TV show "Hoarders". Actually, my estimates say I'll need 62 brushes in my lifetime... |
Adopt your own virtual pet!
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| Translation: Adopt your own pair of giant eyeballs. Glad they included a banner and a button to let me know it's free. |
17 July 2011
Bottoms for superior performance!
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| Some of the more innocent minds out there reading this might not notice how much the tagline looks like a gay sex ad. |
16 July 2011
OPEN!!
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| All I get is "Online Shop" and "OPEN!!" Thanks for the tip, friendly blushing goat demon with a camera! |
15 July 2011
Answering Mother Nature's call!
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| At the soccer game: "Nice goal Billy! Oh excuse me for a minute. I'm just gonna zip up and drop a deuce in here. Be right back." |
Revolutionary Broom Line!
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| Don't you think the word "revolutionary" is a bit much? It's a cleaning surface on a stick; you didn't re-invent the wheel. |
14 July 2011
Eliminates pelvic stress points!
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| Comfortable, sure. But now when I fart in my desk chair, the gas vents outward instead of festering in the cushion. Score! |
13 July 2011
ONE WEEK ONLY!
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| Tell me again how you're going to ship a horse? Going by trailer or are you cutting it up into chunks to fit a box? |
12 July 2011
Stomp Out Boredom!
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| Fun for the whole family! Our first family activity: Find children of color in these magazines... |
SELL YOUR TIMESHARE HERE!
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| With all the ads I see to help people trade "cash for gold", I doubt most people have a timeshare of this place collecting dust. |
11 July 2011
A free bottle of White Buffalo Bliss!
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| Are they allowed to send magic water through parcel post? Do I apply magic water directly to the white void in my chest? |
10 July 2011
Virtually all music from the past 80 years!
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| Now I can convert all my old Puff Daddy 45s into high quality CDs! |
Hellow!
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| An unsolicited flirty message from an illiterate, "easy" stalker? Why yes, I am alone. Come on over mystery lady! |
09 July 2011
WITH PAX COMES POINTS!
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| Sigh, online gaming and it's bizarre language of peddling wares. Nothing says "waste of money" like a "$6.50 Point Bundle". |
Enjoying a sense of wellness and confidence!
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| In my day we had slap bracelets. They were less than a buck, but so much cooler than this. |
08 July 2011
BE SURE TO LIKE US!
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| One of the worst big ticket Photoshop jobs I've seen in a while. To the unseasoned viewer - does this image make any sense to you? |
07 July 2011
Koollect The Entire Flock!
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| Found this display at Wal-Mart. See both posts for more detail. Let's exploit consumerism and insult intelligence at the same time! |
Squeeze for a KooKoo Daddy Kall!
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| Found this display at Wal-Mart. See both posts for more detail. If you were in charge of marketing these, how do you sleep at night? |
06 July 2011
No Crash Dieting!
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| Nothing better to inspire a weight loss program than a skinny woman standing in a trash bag, pulling at the waist. |
05 July 2011
NO FILLERS!
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| Burgeoning with acai berries, eh? Note the berries' soft glow. Can't I get the same thing in the produce department for cheaper? |
YOU'D Think IT'S Butter!
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| Actually, I'd think that's a crappy name for a product. It appears that the word margarine is in fact taboo. |
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